Single Life Sucks; Sometimes.

This is an ode to my single self, or to put it in better terms to my self, I know you’re still single and I know you’ve always made fun of yourself but I have the feeling that the joke itself is coming to an end. I think your mind is changing and I think I might be worried for my peace of mind and my head. It’s a weird one, explaining single life to people, you hear the same things all the time ‘ah no I would do anything to be single again,’ ‘you get to do what you want’ ‘you get to not have to worry about other people,’ oh and my favourite one of all, ‘think of all the money you’re saving.’ but then trying to explain what it’s like consistently being the single friend takes its toll that you, like what many people have done started making yourself the brunt of the jokes in many situations, I find myself being the repeated meme in 3rd wheeling, 5th wheeling, and 7th wheeling situations. I find people have stopped asking if I have anyone special in my life and I have also found people have stopped even being surprised if I take my best friend as a plus one rather then a boyfriend. Now please don’t think this is being written from the point of a drunk sad and lonely single person, I mean the more I go on the more I am starting to feel the lonely and sad part. However for once when having a brainwave about writing, something which I haven’t done in over a 3 months now; the drunk part isn't in the equation (one cocktail at dinner which intern I was a wonderful 5th wheel doesn’t count.) Now if I move onto the bottle of 21st birthday champers which is secretly tucked away in the cupboard, well then this could take a whole new tern, but I guess we’ll come to that when the matter arises.

And here's the thing, I hear all the married couples and my mums' friends saying how young I am and how I haven’t got to rush anything as I have so much time on my hands, but I don’t want time at the moment, the thing is it's kinda simple as anything, I want someone who I can just say is mine, (of course in the none stalking weird possessive way,) just someone who doesn’t mind that I just want a cuddle after a carb-loaded dinner, someone who will look at me after I’ve got back to the gym and not care that I look like a sweaty red-faced angry person and just someone who will at least understand that I don’t want garlic bread but let me eat theirs off their plate instead. I’m happy to even settle for okay, I don’t want anyone perfect or with no chips around the edges, I will take chips and mistakes, I don’t want someone who I think I can change or someone who to me will make my mum happy or get on with my friends, I just want someone who is okay and loves my garlic kisses and all. I mean is that too much to ask for? Maybe I should lower my standards, are my standards too high? Why do guys never seem to be into me the way they are with nearly every other female I know. If I'm starting to wonder what is wrong maybe it's not that weird to think about anymore. I live for the tales of grandparents meeting at dances and asking the dad is it okay to take their daughter to the movies, these occurrences only seem to service now through the self-driven direction of the romance genre on Netflix. I met mummy at the club after 3 Jäger bombs and a double vodka and coke isn't quite the love story most people have in mind. I certainly don't anyway.

I’ve tried it all, there are the apps, something which due to a bad memory, shocking wifi and using up data on my phone has been harder than it normally would, and even without the added difficulties of the technical issues there is the entire mix of individuals to which you find on them; the people who go from 'hello' to sending dick pics over Snapchat within 3 sentences, to the 'I'm secretly on here to have a threesome with my long term girlfriend', to the silent 'I just want someone to talk to' stranger popping up at 3 am on a Wednesday. The idea that within their heads some of these ploys will work is, to say the least.

And now if you can weed through the criteria above you and your little app is doomed by the horrible statistic that online apps never work, that they only spike brief one night stands and true romance is still buying their bread in front of you at Tescos, the never-ending uphill battle of online romances seems to be a losing one.

Happily, with every cloud I will always try and find that silver lining; as a personal witness to a flatmate who has found love online, I will for now see myself as a statistic: 1/6 or as I like to say 16% more likely to find love through my smartphone.

Back to the here and now...Here's the thing us single people seem to do very well in forgetting the fact we’re single until the moment we are surrounded by couples, people in love bring that already small 16% down and turn it into a big clear zero. This, of course, is all unintentional and no romanced friends I have will ever go out of their way to make me feel lonely it's just very much a different ball game and it's very easy to be picked last or stuck on the bench. (note to self: stop making ball game puns, this could be a reason why you're still single.)

Being the single one in the friendship or group of people brings up its own worries and own ideas, and when you start to feel low and the prosecco, wine or bread doesn’t help then just always trust the romcom section on Netflix and rely on that to help you with your mood, at best you'll realise how old Hugh Grant now looks and understand not all good things last forever.